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The DSM-5, released in 2013, has eliminated the term Asperger Syndrome, and those with this neurological difference are now be identified by the healthcare community as having an Autism Spectrum Disorder (Level 1). In my new book, Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger Syndrome: Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors, out in July 2015, I will be using the acronym ASD to include Asperger Syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder. I’ve also indicated that the ASD acronym be read to mean an Autism Spectrum “Difference” rather than a “Disorder”.

Even if you’re wondering if your spouse has a non-verbal Learning Disorder, or a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, not otherwise specified (PDD NOS), another diagnosis that is also now considered to be ASD, or a Social (pragmatic) Communication Disorder (SCD), it is still useful to read books on Asperger’s Syndrome and marriage and relationships as there is a lot of overlap between SCD and ASD.

It’s also important to see ASD is a difference in neurology as opposed to a psychological or mental disorder.

ASD is largely invisible. It’s difficult to tell if someone has this neurological difference from their outward appearance. People with ASD have deficits in mainly three areas: interpersonal communication, relationships, social imagination (What is asperger, n.d.). The communication-social-emotional difficulties in that characterize ASD are also the very skills that are important to make long-term marriages and relationships work. It’s easy to see how having ASD can make for challenging relationships.

Individuals with ASD often love routines and feel challenged by change or transitions. They tend to have an average or higher-than-average IQ. People with ASD can have narrow special interests which often include their careers, making them very successful in their chosen fields. Financial success and a high status can make many men with ASD very attractive marriage partners. Many people with ASD have significant sensory sensitivities, which can cause some couples to have physical intimacy issues.

No two people with ASD are alike. Each individual is unique and the manifestation of traits varies from person to person contributing to the confusion and challenges in getting a diagnosis.

Associated mainly with children, with celebrities like Daryl Hannah, Dan Ackroyd and Susan Boyle coming out as having ASD, the focus on adults is steadily increasing. The media and entertainment industry are featuring characters with ASD more and more, helping break stereotypes and increasing the visibility of ASD.

As a couple’s counselor specializing in ASD, couples tell me that finding out about ASD is a huge relief. The non-spectrum (NS) spouse feels they can finally stop blaming themselves for not being a good enough spouse. The NS spouse often tends to blame herself for the unemotional, neglectful and even abusive behavior of her husband. One minute her partner may seem like the kindest person in the world and the very next, he may have an explosive reaction to the slightest provocation. Understanding the neurological reasons for her husband’s reactions is important so that she can realize that his behavior isn’t because of her, but based on his unique neurology.

Her husband with ASD can also often feel a sense of relief knowing that there’s an explanation for his idiosyncrasies and different behavior.

The average couple is distressed for six years before seeking professional help (Weil, 2012). Given that ASD is pervasive, affecting a couple’s communication, social and emotional life, sex, finances, and parenting, couple’s counseling or some form of problem-solving within the ASD framework seems to be a necessity, and well before the six year mark.

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